I am a literature student and I have tears of laughter in my eyes

"Oh, to be toilet paper, that I might touch that cheek."

#The Tragic Tale of Bumeo and Juliass (via dammitjim-imthedoctor)

"Do you wipe your bum at us, sir?"

"No, sir, I do not wipe my bum at you, sir, but I wipe my bum, sir."

"Diarrhea on both your houses!"

#Good night good night farting is such sweet sorrow

"How silver-sweet sound lovers’ toots by night,
Like the softest music to attending ears.”

THIS POST IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME