Bevendre

I love how often I’ll find my mood just spiraling downwards to the point where I can do little more than stare at the ceiling and wish for something to kill me.

Woo depression!

I hate how my depression seems to be hitting harder and harder every Tuesday/Wednesday.  I have no passions that have panned out, no hobbies that take my mind off of things for more than a few minutes, and I can’t keep up with any project I put my mind to.

More and more I’m finding myself questioning what’s even the point?  I hate where I am in life, how little I’ve done and how much I’ve managed to let slip by.  More and more often I have the thought that there’s no reason to keep going.  These are predominantly invasive thoughts, I know they are, but I’m scared at how often they’re coming.  

I hate feeling this way, I hate thinking this way, and I want it to stop.

As much of a shitshow as 2016 has been, the worst part of it, personally, is that my dog was put down when she could have lived for several years longer.  I’m in the same place I was a year ago, and now I don’t even have her to help out. 

And there’s the depression kicking in.  Always a joy.

I’m sorry for these posts so often, they help out, and I hope they’re not too annoying.

Asexuals don’t face nearly as much discrimination as many other sexualities, but fuck it if I don’t hate feeling like I’m broken and alone.

2014 is almost over, and I’m not really sure how to feel.  

There has been some good, but I have more regrets than fond memories this year.

 I was lucky enough to find the closest thing I’ve known to love, and really hurt, and was hurt by the person I shared it with.

I earned my degree and graduated college, but I’m still stuck in the same position as last year, living with my parents and stuck with the same job, and I know that it’s my fault.

I think the best way to phrase it is that I’m ending this year feeling tired, tired of so much and I really don’t like that.  Let’s hope 2015 is better.

You know you’re trash when your dog wants nothing to do with you.